I used to think leadership was about knowing everything.
If you asked me then, I would say it confidently almost with pride:
“I’m the one steering the ship.”
Hmm.
Life has a way of correcting you gently sometimes, and other times, not so gently.
Because the moment you move from doing the work to leading people who do the work…
Everything changes.
When “Clear Instructions” Weren’t So Clear
I remember one of the early days when I fully stepped into leading my own team.
In my head, everything was clear.
- The vision was clear
- The direction was clear
- The outcome I wanted was very clear
So I gave instructions, simple, direct, straight to the point.
At least, that’s what I thought.
A few days later, the work came back.
And I just looked at it.
That kind of silence where you’re not even angry yet… just trying to understand what happened.
Because this wasn’t a small deviation.
This was… “how did we get here?”
My first instinct was to react:
“This is not what I asked for.”
But something in me paused.
Instead, I said:
“Walk me through what you understood.”
And that was when it landed.
What was clear in my mind, never really left my mouth that way.
Ah.
That moment humbled me deeply.
It taught me something I carry till today:
Clarity is not what you say.
Clarity is what the other person understands.
The Hard Lesson of Delegation
Then came delegation.
If you’ve ever built something with your own hands, you’ll understand this deeply.
There’s a way you like things done.
A standard you don’t negotiate.
A rhythm that works for you.
So when you hand it over to someone else and they don’t do it that way…
Something inside you rises.
“Let me just do it myself.”
I’ve said that more times than I’d like to admit.
But you cannot grow like that.
So I started learning to step back, intentionally:
- To guide without hovering
- To correct without discouraging
- To allow people think, not just follow
It wasn’t comfortable. Sometimes it even felt slower.
But over time, something shifted.
People began to take ownership.
Not just executing instructions but actually thinking.
When Mentoring Exposed My Gaps
Then mentoring entered the picture and this changed everything.
When people look up to you for guidance, they don’t just take what you say.
They question it.
- “Why do you do it this way?”
- “What happens if this doesn’t work?”
- “How did you arrive at this decision?”
At first, I answered confidently.
Then one day, I paused.
Someone asked me to break down a process I used regularly something I did almost effortlessly.
I started explaining.
Midway… I stopped.
Not dramatically. Just quietly.
I couldn’t fully break it down.
Not because I didn’t know it…
But because I had never structured it.
Ah.
That moment stayed with me.
It taught me this:
Growth is not just about doing things well.
It’s about understanding what you do well… and being able to transfer it.
That was the beginning of refining my thinking.
The Emotional Side No One Prepares You For
Then there’s the emotional side of leadership, the one nobody really talks about.
Leading people will stretch your heart.
You’ll meet different energies:
- Someone is distracted
- Someone is overwhelmed
- Someone is physically present but mentally absent
And still work must move.
Expectations remain.
Results are needed.
So you’re constantly balancing:
- Understanding and accountability
- Patience and performance
I remember a day I wasn’t happy at all with someone’s output.
Everything in me wanted to address it immediately, sharp, direct, no filter.
But I paused.
And I asked:
“Are you okay?”
That one question changed everything.
What I thought was carelessness…
Was actually someone trying to function under pressure.
That day taught me:
Not every poor performance is lack of competence.
Sometimes… it is lack of capacity in that moment.
And leadership must know the difference.
The Weight of Hard Decisions
Then there are the hard decisions.
The ones you don’t talk about easily.
Moments where you must choose what is right over what is comfortable.
Where you carry the weight of the outcome.
No applause.
No validation.
Just responsibility.
Those moments grow you quietly.
They sharpen your judgment.
They deepen your understanding of leadership—beyond theory.
The Leader I Became
Over time, I found myself changing.
- Listening more
- Asking better questions
- Explaining more clearly
- Breaking things down with intention
- Adjusting faster
- Letting go of the need to always be “right”
- Embracing the need to be effective
Now I understand what I didn’t know before:
Leadership is not about being the smartest person in the room.
It is about creating a space where things actually work.
Where people understand.
Where people grow.
Where results are not forced but produced.
The Truth Most People Don’t Tell You
If I’m being honest…
Some of my biggest growth didn’t come from when things went well.
It came from:
- Confusion
- Misalignment
- Feedback that didn’t feel good but was necessary
A Word to Leaders (and Future Leaders)
If you are leading or preparing to lead, hear this plainly:
You don’t need to have all the answers.
But you must be willing to:
- Learn
- Listen
- Refine
- Adjust quickly
- Grow continuously
Because leadership is not about controlling people.
It is about evolving yourself so you can lead better.
And the moment that clicks for you…
Everything changes.
Dr. Sola Okunkpolor
A growth and strategy expert for leadership. business and public speaking.